I was so young
Anything I did
You applauded strong
When I hit you,
When I hit my sister
Your rejoiced and said my limbs were developing well
I am being and becoming the man
When I talked without control to you, to papa, to my brother, you said I was building my vocals, I was standing up for myself
Every time , every single time. You attributed my aggressiveness to
Na small pikin, e no sabi wettin e di do
But who be get for teach me the correct thing for do
I was just a toddler some say
But I can remember vividly how you always rained insults on papa day in day out as if it was his admissions fees , or nutrients and vitamins required for daily living, thank God he was strong enough not to raise a hand but when I saw it I thought It was the way , so I decided to walk the way and now I cry because my body hurts and I feel like you led me astray
When papa left you
You felt so dejected and rejected , filled with so much rage and anger that when you turned around and saw me , all you could see is him in me and you rage for that gender you poured on me , punishing me for the sins of my father which I knew nothing about
What could I do mama
For I loved you and interpreted your actions for love and learnt the only way to show love was the way you showed it to me .
You left mama in so much pain,
So for every member of the gender, you come in contact with, the schema you let mama create in you ruled the way way you treated them
You could no longer take that much so you resolved to using you hand to shut them up
before they could even say as much
To the point that whether she spoke or not
You will hit and kick just because you saw mama in their eyes,
Even in your daughters' eyes
So she developed the hatred for your gender and vowed to never let that happen to her so she used her mouth, her words as self defence to make sure what happened to mama never happens to her but deep down those words came from hurt and the pain she felt inside and had to go through all her life
Little did I know there is always another way
The way of love that endures, the way that does not hurt, the way that gives, the way that sacrifice for one another
The way that walks away and leaves all the rage and anger behind .
The way that walks away not because I hate you but because I love you and love me too much to let myself be treated like less of a human.
The way that questions the way I was raised , the things I was told, the things I saw , the things that were done to me , and take a u turn if they don't please, bring peace , or cause this hurt to cease.
Mama, I am sorry for what papa did
Papa, Pardon mama for what she did
Son, daughter forgive mama, forgive papa
Husband, Wife forgive and let go
Dream better, Think better, Be better, do better , have better
You are better.
Listen to the audiohttps://linktr.ee/mottanni